My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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