I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
