I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
