at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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