tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
