Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
