I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
