apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
