How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
being pregnant is like rehab
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
