Sry I called you an 8
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
we're so committed to being not committed
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