Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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