The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
