if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
