so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
