I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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