All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
