Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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