Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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