i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
