Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
