I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
