while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
