paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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