never play flip cup with pint glasses
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
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