SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
