i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
