life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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