She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
