I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
