I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize