no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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