Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
