If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
