Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
