Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize