Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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