I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you traded sex for a burrito?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
