Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
The air was thick with penises
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
