At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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