He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
