so explain again why im purple
no
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
