I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
