I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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