we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
