U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
