Pappa wants mamma naked
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
