Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
