So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
