Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
