where am i from again
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
should my penis look like a turkey
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Randomize
