You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
