She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
