He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
