Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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