the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
