I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize