Say something about gay babies.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
