just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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