I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
