she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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