I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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