i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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