The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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