I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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