yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
