Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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