he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
