I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
